She is in my trunk
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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