I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
