So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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