Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
