so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
