I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
