just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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