He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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