be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
