Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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