Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
