How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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