So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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