woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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