she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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