.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
