I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
