Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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