So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
