so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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