Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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