my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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