They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
