ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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