My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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