As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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