Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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