Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
