So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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