wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
