So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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