I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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