I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
