Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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