apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I need moral support for this bender
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
