My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
