Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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