I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
