watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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