you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
