Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
