mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
