hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
