I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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