dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
