I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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