we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
