finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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