I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
