I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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