I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
