its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
