if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
