he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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