From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
