Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
