Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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