I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
