Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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