He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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