guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
