you guys were way drunker than both of me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
