based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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