The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
