R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
