Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
