my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
