i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize