how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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