They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
