chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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