I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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