P.S. I can't hear my feet
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
