im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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