Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
