This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
