I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
