went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize