I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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