You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
