when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
