It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
