it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize