i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
