its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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