I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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