Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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