Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
