Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
