So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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