just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
