I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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