Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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