dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
