Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
