There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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