so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
