My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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