Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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