in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
