Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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