I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
