My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Fuck appropriateness.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
