i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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