I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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