jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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