You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
