found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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