If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
