oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
