Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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