I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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