So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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