She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
